Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Volume 1, Issue 42, January 6, 2010: Archaic Annoying Wedding Traditions That Need To Die

I know that I'm a little late but Happy New Years to all who read my blog. All 5 of you out there. This year is okay so far, but I know its going to be a good one for me.

Anyways, I've been meaning to discuss something that's been bothering me for a while. Weddings. I love weddings, I want to get married someday, but there are so many stupid traditions and customs involved in weddings that I hate. What bothers me is that so many people follow these traditions without knowing what they are truly about. I've been doing a little research and I've produced a list of ancient traditions that need to go away.

1) The White Wedding Dress





This is the worst one ever! I never saw what was so special about a white dress. White is the worst color to me. It's so plain, it doesn't excite me and I don't have the slightest urge to get married in white. When I think of a white dress I think of a KKK robe for some reason. Seriously, what if you are on the rag while wearing a white wedding dress. The whole its tradition and it represent purity is complete fairytale princess bullshit. The tradition stems from Queen Victoria who reigned as Queen of England from 1837-1901. At her wedding to Prince Albert she wore a white dress. After that everyone and their mom wore white wedding dresses just because she had one. It became popular and for many years it became the norm. Actually, before Queen Vicki, women wore their sunday's best on their wedding day and women wore a wide variety of colors and hues, people didn't follow gay-ass trends and customs. Whenever I talk about weddings with friends oor family members they always get freaked out when I say I want a red or a blue wedding gown. Ladies, its you wedding, you can wear black, stripes, white, or booboo green. It's your special day.



2) Removing the Garter



I think this is a tacky and perverted tradition. It orginiated in the middle ages in Europe. Back then couples needed to consummate their marriage immidietaly after the wedding, with witnesses watching. Ew. An example of this is in the Marie Aniontte movie with Kristin Duntz; there is a scene where Marie and King Louis are in bed and there are people standing around them before they go to bed. The tradition was altered years later in which the bride sits down as the groom strips off his brides garter from her leg to show everyone that he's going to get totally laid later on. I think this tradition is wrong in so many ways. If my man takes off any piece off clothing from me, I would start stripping him write than and there. Yeah, so that's why I think its bad because horny people like me would put on a x-rated show for the whole wedding.



3) Matching Bridesmaids




Not everyone will look good in the in the strapless seafoam atrocity above. The maids had to wear similar dresses to ward off evil sprits and jealous ex-lovers from harming the bride; in other words shitstain brown dresses were used to make the bride look better than her brides maids.



4) Giving the Bride Away



Aw, how sweet daddy is giving his first daughter little Suzie away.Not really! Fathers used to use their daughters as currency to pay off debts and get into higher circles. Traditionally, when a father gave his daughter away. He gave away. Marriages were arranges back than and often the bride would never see her family again she belonged to her husband. Hence the surname change. 

5) Throwing Rice At Weddings



It orginated in the ancient Meditterran region, I believe the Romans and Egyptains started this. Anytype of crop or grains were thrown at the married couple for them to have a very fruitful and fertile marriage. This tradition doesn't really annoying me that much but it kills the birds.

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