Volume 1, Issue 54, Feb.17.2010: The Black Girl Curse

       Lately, I've been seeing all of these reports and specials about why are Black women single and just about Black people in general.  I'm wondering where this new found interest in Black people came from?Not to beat the dead horse its hard any woman of any race to find the right guy to marry or be in a relationship, but for some reason, 42% of Black women in American remain single or have never married. Here some reasons why I think it's so:

The Number Don't Lie

       There are about 2 million more Black women than Black men. Already their are going to be some problems. Even if even Black man were to marry a Black woman to day one out of twelve Black women would still be single. Say that there are 100 Black men. Out of those Black men you can elimate 21% who don't have a high school diploma, the unemployed which are about 17% and those who are incarcerated which is about 8%.  Which leaves about 54% of dateable men. Oh, and it gets even better. Out of those men, maybe 20% are already married and 10% don't date Black women.

Requirements For A Spouse

            What bothers me the most is that people seem to think that all Black women want only thugs. I hate thuggish or ghetto men and I bet many other Black women will second me on that. Most Black women who are professional are usually looking for a man thats on their level or above, also with that he has to be somewhat attractive, intelligent and open-minded. Isn't that what every woman wants? Why should we settle for just any guy thats out there? I would want the best man for myself. I want someone who is a great provider, smart, considerate, and caring. If that's me being picky than so be it. I don't think Black women are pickier than other races of women. They have the same exact standrads!!!

"Just Don't Bring Home A White Boy."

         Although interracial marriages have been increased between Black women and other races of men in the last decade, most Black women have never been with someone of a different race. I think this is biggest reason wny many Black women are single. Many of them never try to date a man of a different race. Reasons for this are:

1) Family

           Many Black women were told when they were younger by their parents and relatives to never date a man from another race or culture because it would be "going against the community" or it wouldn't be "loyal" to Black men or the Black race. BULLSHIT!!!! No one tells Black men this at all. Black men have been interracially dating for years and no one complains about it all. Why is it such a double standrad? Why have Black women become the "preservers" of the Black community? My own dad even told me this foolishness, but my aunt told me before he was with my mom he dated several white women.SMDH

2) Some Black Women Prefer Black Men

            There are just some Black women who prefer Black men. Just like there are Black men who prefer Black women and White women who prefer White men and Green men who prefer women with stripes. Everyone has their own preferences and people shouldn't be made guilty for that. You can't tell it's wrong for someone to be attracted to certain types of people. I'm attracted to all types of men but I generally prefer White or Latino guys. This leads me kinds to my next to points.

3) Many Non-Black Men Overlook and Ignore Black Women Completely

Seriously!!! This irks me the most!!!

          I remember going out with a group of girlfriends to a lounge/resturant. It was maybe about 6 of us I was the only Black chick out of one Latina, 3 white girls and one asian girl. Most of the people there are white, hispanic, or asian. Anyways, we were eating and a group of guys come over and start talking to my friends. They were all white and guess what. Not one of them talked to me!!! It was like I was invisible, they didn't even say hi to me.That whole night I felt so rejected. All of my friends were the ones getting hit on and I got no play at all that night.  I'm not an ugly girl at all. I've been told that I'm very beautiful by guys and girls. I even was asked to model for some hip-hop magazine, but I declined I wasn't going to be sticking my ass cheeks out. I have a nice personality too, I'm outgoing, I don't have an attitude and I'm not a bitch. I was voted most likely to brighten up someones day in middle school. 

       I have come to the conclusion that Black women are unwanted generally by non-Black males. I feel like there is some rule in America that says that Black woman are taboo or off limits. The most beautiful Black woman say, someone who looks like Gabrielle Union or Kenya Moore could walk down a street of White men and they would all ignore her. Just look at any magazine that is marketed to young White men mostly like Maxim or GQ, whenever they have their lists like "Hottest Women in the World" or "Maxim's Top 100 Sexiest Women" there are very few Black women on the list and there hasn't been a Black woman who was in the Top 10 at least. The only Black women who ever qualify for these lists are usually in this order: Beyone, Rhianna, Alicia Keys, and Tyra Banks. These are suppose be the representatives for Black women's hotness, which is unfair  because the majority of Black women look different. I remember I was on AskMen.come and they had a list for "The Hottest Babe Producing Countries" not one of those countries was African. They did however mention Brazil which has a majority Black population but is portaryed as a mostly White or mixed race country. Are we not women too? Sometimes I feel that many men don't regard Black women as human at all, that's why many refuse to even try to say hi to us. They would rather disregard every Black female and believe in all the stereotypes of us as being ghetto, promiscious, ugly, fat, loud, bossy, or the mothers of  numerous children with different fathers. It makes me sad indeed that this is the attitude of most American men.

4) Even If Black Women Date Interracially

    Even if many Black women decide to date interracially, many non-Black men would rather just use them for sex rather than date or marry a Black woman. Ugh!!!! I have dated different races of guys, some of them ended up as serious boyfriends. But the majority were losers who believe in the dumb stereotypes that Black women are suppose to be sluttier and they were just looking for sex. I remember I was with this one guy who was white. He was the guy I talked about in my very first entry. We were friends and I started liking him and I thought he liked me and he said that we were going to be together and he ignored me for 3 months for no reason. He came back to school and he was avoiding me and acted as if he didn't know me and act as if he was ashamed of me. Turns out he lied to all his friends and said that I fucked him and that I was a freak in bed. I never had sex with this guy at all. Whenever I talk to a white guy who is interested in me it seems like they only want me for sex., just to say they've been with a Black chick before I can see why many Black women refuse to date out. It sucks when any man uses you for sex. But when a man uses you just for your race it hurts even more. It's like they can only take you seriously if your only having sex with them.

There is some kind of cultural bias against Black women with other types of men. I think Black women who are with non-Black men tend to get more rude remarks while in public, weird stares, and just a lot of jealousy.Case in point, my ex who was mixed with Lebanese, Colombian and German he was very fair skinned and have blade hair and hazel eyes. Whenever we would go out people would look at us funny and treat us odd. Whenever I'm with any non-Black guy some random Black guy would come bother us talking about "He don't know what to do with all of that ass!" or "Another one bites the dust!" and my favorite one "You're White man humping ass!" Not to mention many non-Black women try to wonder why my boyfriend choose them over me and get jealous.

I remember I had walked inside a resturant with him and he asked for a table and the waitress said "For One?" and she looked at me rudely and asked "Can I help you miss?". My ex was like "No for two, she is with me." His mother hated the sight of me. She was openly racist and she would say things like "I don't want grand children that are Black," "How could you be with a Black person?", "You won't be taken seriously with a Black wife." SMDH!!!


It's not easy for any woman, but I think Black women have it a lot harder in the dating arena. Sometimes I think there is some type of curse on us Black women. If we go to college and have high paying salaries were are being too "emsculating", if we want a man with money we are "golddiggers", if we speak are minds we are suddenly "bitches". It never ends for us sometimes.But there are signs of hope there are more men who ignore the stereotypes and are dating or married to Black women. I hope that all the single Black women will find the right men for them. As for me, I'm only 19 and still in college, there is still plenty of time for me to find the right one. Hopefully he looks like Rudy Reyes, is really smart and give me awesome orgasms.

Volume 1, Issue 53, Feb.14.2010: Top 5 Favorite Love Songs

Even thought I hate Valentines Day, I've decided to make a list of my favorite loves songs. Just because I feel like it and because I'm bored and I'm trying to kill time.

5) Xtreme-Te Extrano( R&B verison)




4) Celine Dion-My Heart Will Go On





3)Heatwave-Always and Forever





2)Koda Kumi-Ai No Uta





1)Aaliyah-At Your Best

Volume 1, Issue 49, February 4, 2010: My Newest Love

I used to always splurge on earrings at one point of my life. I used to have a new pair for everyday. Some were gold, some were, silver, and all the colors of the rainbow. Some where huge like bracelets and some were heavy disks. Along with my addiction to scarves, I have a brand new love.....HEADBANDS!!!!!!


I really don't know how I got hooked on headbands, maybe too much Blair Waldorf. Anyways, I wanted to start making my own headbands for fun and maybe make a little money on the side. I made one as a prototype already. It's basically covered in buttons and it's very cute and heavy!!!! I'll post pics of it eventually. 

Volume 1, Issue 44, January 21, 2010: The Sexiest Man on the History Channel

OMG!!!! See this is why I love the History Channel! I was watching it one night and the most wonderful thing happened. They showed this perfection of a man in a show called "Apoclypse Man". His name is Rudy Reyes and he is beautiful. Basically, his show is a guide to help people if all of society falls and he gives a lot of survival tips. Did I mention his is a marine and a Iraq veteran? OMG!!!!!! That makes him even sexier. It's like good made me the perfect man and here he is....MMMMMMM so meaty.

Volume 1, Issue 37, December 25, 2009: I Lied To Myself I Do Want A Man

Merry Christmas Everyone! I hope you're having a good one because I'm having a very blue one. Even thought I'm surronded by my family, I still feel pensive and melancholy. I feel so bad that I just used some unnecessary SAT words.

I know I've said before that I don't want a boyfriend at all and I wanted to remain single and just fuck around. I was lying to myself. Deep down all this time I realized that I really want a boyfriend badly. Even though 90% of my past relationships were horrible and many of them traumatizing, there is nothing worse than being single. Being single is like being on a rollercoaster ride, with many ups and downs and eventually I barf at the end of the ride. Basically, I'm trying to enjoy but at the end I'm always unhappy.

Don't get me wrong there are some definate pluses to being a single woman: 

1) Independance- You can go where ever you feel like, spend as much money as you want, its just basically all about you.

2) Girl Time-Having fun times with the girls this includes shopping, clubbing, and checking out the hotties. Its always great to have good friends around when you're feeling like a spinster at 19. Friends are always there when you are feeling like $2, they build you back up and make you feel like a $1,000,000 again.

3) Career/School- You'll get better grades in school, you might actually make the dean's list, you can focus on your career and all the long hours of sewing and getting yelled at from you boss. More money to spend on you.

4) No Strings Attached- You can stare any man up and down, have sex with anyone you please, go on numerous dates.

All of this sounds lovely but I tired to do the whole "I'm A Indepedance Woman Phase" but it just didn't work out for me. I thought I was a Samantha, but I'm a Charolette.

Ever since June of 2008 I've been a single woman. My ex was an abusive douchebag who made me feel like dog feces.  Just imagine someone beating the snot out of you for innocently speaking to your clearly gay friend. Someone having access to your facebook because they don't want you to talk to guys online. Having someone call you a bitch, slut, whore, fat, or the n-word as a term of endearment. Being with him was one of the worst times of my life, it took a while for me to leave him. As soon as the bastard talked about marrying me and having children I told him to fuck off and I never looked back.

 It felt so good to be free, I had started college and the future was bright for me.After maybe a couple months I started to get really lonely.I'm truly a serial monogamous, I'm used to being in one relationship after the next. This is the longest I've been single. I'm always used to having a guy there for me. Unforunately, I go to a university where the boy to girl ratio is every 7 girls to 3 guys, which equal a lot of lonely and horny bitches. Most of the guys at my school fall in 3 main categories: Taken, Gay, or Douche.

Taken-Has a girlfriend either on or off campus. Most likely will be really hot,nice, smart and talented. The good ones are always taken.

Gay: Might as well be considered a girl. There is no use for a woman trying to get with a straight guy.

Douche: Most of the male student body at my school. There are so many sub-categories of douche. The come in many manifestations. They can be basketball players, soccer players, preppy, lacrosse bros, club promoters, overtly religious, athesits, ghetto, the list goes on about the different types of dbags I run into and have fallen for at my school. Douches typically:
1) Want girls for only sex-A lot of the guys use the boy girl ratio as their playground. They basically have a choice of every type of female, black, white, asian, latina, big butt, blonde, big tits, red heads, goth chicks, so why commit to one? They want to tast all the colors of the rainbow.
2) The douche can also be taken and engage in activity number 1.
3) Play mind games with a girl by pretending that they actually like you or care for you and led you on to thinking that you are more than they see you as. They pretend to want a relationship, they say all the right things to get you liking them or loving them, But in the end, they only want to see you commit to the doggystyle position.

See? I can never win. I've tried meeting single men at school. I've tried talking with old guy friends from high school. I even tried meeting guys away from my school but it was just as bad. Same douche,different location and circumstances. Sometimes I feel like I've been cursed to never fall in love with someone or to never find my soulmate. I have to be the most unlucky person when it comes to men. Everytime I'm with a man, he always hurts me. Whether it's emotional or physical, I'm always the one with a broken heart in the end. What is wrong with me? Why can't a man ever love me and all 100% of me? All I've been is myself to these guys and they don't seem to like or love me for who I am. Why it that everytime I'm with a man all they want to do is try to break me apart and scatter around like a 1000 piece puzzle?

I know that I'm only 19 but I'm tired of waiting for that right person to come along when I need them and want them the most which is now.I miss having someone kiss my forehead, put their arms around me while I sleep, I miss hearing him breath and his heart beating. I miss that feeling of being in love and wanting to give everything and all for that special someone. I envy all of those lucky women with men around their arms. All the women who pride themselves and have a title wife, girlfriend, or fiancee. They have it so easy, they don't have to swim through a sea of losers and Dbags just to find someone to hold them, they have that special man on speed-dial, he is always ready and willing to do anything for her whether it's just buying her pads when she is on the rag, taking her to the place where they had their first kiss, reminding how beautiful she is everyday.

Volune 1, Issue 33, December 18, 2009: The Song For My Mood

Underneath Your Clothes

This song describes my current mood, and I can't stop blushing. It makes me think about a special man that I really like. I can't stop thinking about him and being with him. I can barely find words to fit my feelings for him, so I have this song it's called Underneath Your Clothes by Shakira.

Volume 1, Issue 15, October 20, 2009: I've Got A New Crush

I'm blushing right now. It's this really hot guy in one of my classes and I have a little crush on him. Everytime I see him i just crack a smile. I"m currently stalking his FB page. In over at least 90% of his pages he is shirtless and I'm slightly aroused. MMMMMMMMM, his new nickname is smexy. But I think he's on to me. I know real smart, having a blog that he can look at anyway. Sometimes we talk and he stares at me a lot and he's becoming a lot more open with me.But whatever, I don't care if he knows I like him....He's single that's all that counts.

Volume 1, Issue 12, October 18, 2009: I Hate You And Your Boyfriend

Am I the only one who is annoyed with all of this shitty "I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND" merchandise? It's ridiculous. We get it bitch, you love you boyfriend. Will you stop making lame t-shirts and crappy buttons professing your love to him? I also hate shirts that say "Wifey", the name of your boyfriend or girlfriend, and I hate it when couples do monthivessaries. Are you fucking kidding me? Months are nothing, it's years that count. 3 months is nothing to celebrate.I find it blantly superfical and slighty egotistical that people, especially the ones my age, boast of their one-dimensional relationships throught shitty shirts and monthivessaries. It bothers me because people make it seem like if you are not in a relationship than there is something wrong. Especially if you are a woman! People ask me all the time "you such a beautiful and smart woman, why don't you have a boyfriend?" Because I don't want one. Relationships lead to nothing but pain, heartbreak, and regrets. Trust me, I've been there and done that. I'm not saying that I don't like them, I don't want one now. I've been in relationships all through my high school years and im done for now. I'm tired of all the bullshit men say, do, and think, I'm tired of cheating bastards, I'm tired of liars, I'm tired of abusive assholes. I'm single and the only thing I want a man around for is to fuck or be friends. I just can't deal with that boyfriend/girlfriend shit. At least until I'm trying to get married.

Volume 1, Issue 7 October 13, 2009: I Have Come To Realize That I'm Probably Not Going To Marry Within My Culture Or Race

I always been interested in all types of men. Race isn't a factor or a huge deal breaker for me. I remember when I was little my first crush was a on a White guy and I remember having celeb crushes on NSYNC, The Backstreet Boys, and Leonardo DiCapro(mmmm he looked so smexy in Titanic). I haven't been with a Black guy in over 3-4 years. It's not that I'm not attracted to Black guys or that I don't like them, it just that I've become attracted to other types of guys more so than Black guys.

Another thing is, I find that maybe I intimidate a lot of Black men, because I have natural hair; it's very kinky and I often wear it in a fro. I get a lot of weird and sometimes rude and offensive comments from Black people( mostly Black guys) about my hair. I remember when I wore my afro out last winter. I was with my friends going out on the metro and a Black guy had looked at me strange and he was like "Damn, she taking it way back." Here are some  other comments I have gotten:

- *A guy raises his fist at me* "I'm down for the struggle with you my African queen!"
-" What are you doing to you hair?"
-" Are you going go out like that?"
-"You used to look god with you relaxer."
-"Are you in the Nation or the Panthers now?"
-"Those days are over, no one in that Black power crap anymore."
-"You look like an African booty-stracther."

I've notice with other races of people I always get compliments. When I was with a white guy( see my post Turning Off The Fan So Shit Won't Hit It) he really liked my hair natural. I don't know why this is but the only thing I can say about this is a quote from a good friend of mine, "The exotic is the erotic." Love who you want to love.

Volume 1, Issue 2 October 12, 2009: My Life Goals( My Mommy Told Me To Write Them Down)

Ok, since I've been in my current state of mind which is a Shitfest and mixed with a Mindfuck. My mom asked me about my goals for life and she told me to write them down.

-Design clothes for fashion shows @ my university.(goal in progress)
-Get an internship for my junoir or senoir year.(goal in progess)
-Save and make more money for traveling/shopping/for my first place.
-Graduate from university.(goal in process, 90 more credits to go)
-Move away from the slums of DC, preferablly to London, Tokyo, or NYC.
-Become a buyer or visual merchandiser for a couple of years.
-Become an asisstant stylist for photo shoots, fashion shows, or celebrities.
-Write a book about my sad and horrible childhood.
-Travel to as many countries as possible.
-Find my prince charming, who won't give many any bullshit and live happily ever after in Manhattan.
-Pop out babies or get my tubes tied.( this one is a maybe)
-Buy an nice herve ledger dress for my big Caribbean booty and tetas.

Volume 1, Issue 1 October 11, 2009: Turning Off The Fan So Shit Won't Hit It!

Shit, Where do I begin? Well for starters, my name is Charlyndria Ayita Elaura Horton. Yeah, that's a mouthful, and I'm having the most craptacular semester in college ever. I'll explain later, right now I'll give you a little bit more background info of yours truly.


 I was born and raised in DC. DC stands for Don't Come To The Most Fucking Boring City on Earth. I'm the middle child out of 4 children, 2 boys and 2 girls. I'm currently enrolled in my thrid semester of college and I'm a Sophmore. I'm a Fashion Merchandising major with a minor in Fashion Design. I have high hopes and dreams of becoming a buyer, stylist, and a fashion show coordinatior. I'm trying to work hard at school and as many DC fashion events to get my feet wet and eventually dive into the world of fashion until it consumes me with all of its Chanel, Hermes, Herve Ledger, Escada,Kevin Hall, and Versace.


Now for why I'm currently frustrated. Firstly, I've been having problems with my financial aid at school. I had to commute to my college campus and cancel my housing so that I wouldn't owe my university money. I hate commuting in DC. I don't drive or own a car and I have to rely on the constant failure called the DC Metro System. It sucks moving into to your dorm and than having to move out in the middle of the semester, after you decorated your whole room and farted on your matress. Secondly, I feel like I'm not shining as well as I can in school. I study, do my homework and read from PM to AM and I feel like I'm turning average grades. I want to get my GPA up this semester so I can get some new scholarships so I can pay for this $30,000+ education.


Thirdly and lastly, I am tired of dealing with all men who are douchebags, tools, homothugs, and all around assholes. Last semester, I had a sort of kinda budding romance( at least I thought it was) with a male friend ( I thought we were friends) of mine. We knew each other for a couple of months as freshman and during the last few weeks of the Spring 2009 semester, we got a little frisky. Nothing spectacular like sex happened,it was mostly making out and telling me lies and bullshit about "wanting to start something with me." I can't believe I fell for this shit. So when we were about to go home for the Summer Mr.Douchebag Mctool took me out for sushi and pretended like he liked me.


We exchanged addresses and house numbers and he told me to call him when I got home. I called him and he never answered, for 3 months. He disappeared off the face of the Earth; he deleted his fb and his phone was "disconnected". Fast forward to August 2009,when we got back to school, I saw him a couple of times and I said hi and he didn't say anything back at me. One day, I saw him eating in the cafeteria by himself and we started to talk. He was telling me about all this bullshit that happened to him in the Summer. Guess what this fool tells me, his ass went to Egypt/ Isreal to see some pyramids and shit. After that he and his buddies look at me all funny now and he doesn't even talk to me anymore. I see him all the time and he never wants to hang out with me.Seriously what the crap? I guess he doesn't "want to start something with me."


Why can't people be straight up nowadays? If he wanted just sex, why didn't he say so in the first place? I would have probably taken his offer for sex. But he lead me on thinking that we were friends and that I was important to him and that he wanted a real relationship with me. SMDH! Honesty is truely the best policy people.


This is just my crazy ass life so far. I'm trying to build my confidence back up right now. I got to get throught this shitfest and come out shining like a Chinese Gold Medalist.